And here I am, day 500. It feels wonderfully fulfilling to have set a goal, kept my commitment to myself and to you, dear reader, and arrive here, better than I started.
I wrote myself a letter the week before I began this journey, dated Day 500, looking back over the experience. As I read it last night, I saw lots of potential for feeling like a failure... I wrote about several things that have not come to pass. Funny how we change and grow with time. The things that seemed important at the start of this journey do not seem relevant to who I am today. I don't care today that they did not happen.
I have shared my favorite poem with you several times in this blog, Marianne Williamson's "Our Greatest Fear..." and it speaks to me again today.
As we let out own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
When I began this journey, I felt unsure of myself in many ways. I was not sure I could write well enough to express my thoughts and experiences; I doubted I had anything worth saying; and I didn't think I had what it takes to keep my promise.
I am still a very critical reader and I analyze the actual writing of most things I read, none more so than my own. What I have come to understand is that I have a distinctive voice that I want to share. I am not sure what I will do with my voice but I now know I can write. As Marianne asks "Who am I not to be (talented)?"
There were many days when I did not have anything to say, I sat at the computer and wrote, erased, wrote, erased some more and then, by grace alone, found the words I had not even known existed. I found myself surprised by the subject matter as I wrote and in the aftermath, I felt lighter, supported and bathed in love.
Why I thought I could not keep my promise is an issue that has come up often in my life... by this point, you would think I might be over it. I mean, I have been married 22 years, I have been a fully present mother for over 20, I continue to practice yoga after 14 years, I walk most days and have since I was a child. I have had this ever-present fear that my life is built on a house of cards and this 500 day experience is helping me move beyond this fear. I still have a distance to travel but am happy to remind myself that I am committed to my best life.
Part of me is sad to finish here and I have been trying all week to figure out how to continue on. I will roll out my mat each day and practice yoga; it's the most solid, loving thing I can do for myself. I may need help as I move forward and I will turn to you, dear friend, dear reader.
I want to end with thank you; to you, for keeping me writing, for offering me your support and feedback, for simply being there this whole time. I appreciate you greatly and feel blessed beyond measure to share my journey with you.
Namaste.
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